In the wilderness...

Last weekend we as a team went out to a survival bush camp - christian camp. I have to admit - it was tougher than I expected. I never did any of such camps before so I thought we are going to live on some kind of a farm, hike for about 5-6 miles a day and shower and sleep in cute chalets at night! HAHAHA!!!

Nothing could be further from the truth..... The place we came to was a patch of grass between the Worcester mountains and a man-made dam on someone's vineyards. The scenery of course was breath-taking - Cape Town it is :) But we had literally NOTHING with us. Before we arrived we received item lists where everything that we could take along was mentioned. Not even soap and toothpaste and toilet paper were there!!! We had to put up tents and sleep in the open with 5-6 people in one tent. We had to be very careful with our food, because we were each given a very limited supply for those few days. And there was a lot of pressure on us from the side of our camp leaders.

We also did a lot of team activities which really brought us close together as a future outreach team! It is amazing what qualities and character traits a person displays when under pressure and stress, hunger and heat! I did not know I could be so careful and rational and serious. Sometimes I was impatient and angry too, wishing I could break those people's necks because of what they say and do!!! But God was merciful enough to show me my mistakes and to prevent me from acting out on my emotions. I could also see how many of my other friends struggle with their own flesh and restrain themselves to do their best for the team. We had to die not just daily, but literally every minute!!

We also had amazing leadership there! The discipline was excellent and order was maintained throughout the camp. Each one was given a whistle to blow in case of emergency. Some people thought of it as a joke, and blew it for the sake of fun. They had to do 200 sit-ups!! Ouch!! I was once 2 minutes late for a meeting and had to do 20 sit-ups - that hurts!! But overall they were really nice people. They did not keep distance from us because of their authority position, but actually joined our teams and became team members - party to observe and evaluate our group work, but also to be closer to us and to make us feel safer and cared for. At least that's how I felt - I felt that I was never alone and that our leadership really cares for us.

This camp was really a great blessing. It challenged me in many ways, taking me out of my comfort zone here on the missionary base and making me dependent on other people for success. I never worked in a team before and this was a very good experience for me. I loved this camp and I would recommend anyone, regardless of their age of background, to do a survival camp like this! It will change your life forever, as it did change mine! :-D

Humans and emotions

I have always been an emotional person. Every thing that happens near me stimulates my feelings and creates a wave of sensations within me that makes many moments an unforgettable experience, whether it is diving from a cliff into a mountain lake or holding someone's sleeping baby in my arms. But sometimes my emotions become so strong that they literally sweep me off my feet, making me sick with worries, or boiling with rage, or mortally terrified. Where would one draw a line between "good" and "evil" in emotions, and how can we sanctify them in line with God's Word? I really want to share my opinion with you! :)

Let's first look at this question: what emotions are bad and what are good? It is best to answer this question from the biblical perspective. Is God capable of feeling and experiencing emotions? Yes, sure He is. Is God ever happy? Yes - look at e.g. Zephaniah 3:17, there God rejoices about His own people Israel. Is God ever sad? Yes - that too! Read Ephesians 4:30. Can God be at peace? Yes - look at Philippians 4:7. Can God feel anger? Positive - example is in Psalm 7:11. God can be excited too (Genesis 2:19), as well as depressed and grieved with troubles(Matthew 26:38).

The list can continue much longer, but this is not he point that i am trying to make. What I want to say is that both the emotions that feel good and that humans try to pursue, as well as the emotions that we as humans call negative and try to avoid, are part of God's character and nature. He can and does feel them too!! Does that mean that God is evil if He feels anger or grief? No, we know that God is perfectly good. Therefore, our assumption that some emotions, like anger and sadness are bad, is wrong.

We are created in the image of God, in particular with the capacity to feel the same emotions that He can feel. Perhaps not for the same reasons, but nevertheless we can feel just like God can feel. According to the Scriptures, emotions are not part of our bodies, but more of our soul/spirit. For instance, when Jesus referred to His own emotions, He always spoke of His heart or His soul or His spirit. So although emotions DO have an effect on our bodies, they are not born there, but rather in our spiritual being. And since God is a spirit, we see that this is what makes us God-like in the spiritual level - our emotions.

Of course, you might tell me that animals, like dogs, have emotions as well. But remember that they still differ from God and us because they do not have a free will of their own. if you put a plate of meat before a hungry dog, it will eat it and there is no inner mechanism within it whatsoever that can tell it to go on a fast. There is no will power, i.e. no inner drive that would make it independent of the circumstances. humans, on the other hand, received this God-like gift together with the emotional package, and this coexistence of free will and emotions makes us God-like and children of the Most High - all of the humans, saved and unsaved alike.

So now, if emotions are not ad, if God has all the emotions within Himself as well, are they all good? Not really... If you are extremely happy you might be jumping and dancing and in the process even physically hurt someone!.. That would bring pain and pain is not good. So will that make being happy evil? No, of course not. Then there remains only one option for emotions - we have to say that they are neither good nor evil, but rather neutral.

On the other hand, it is what we do with the emotions that determines whether the result is good or evil. A person who wants to commit rape does it because it brings them good and enjoyable emotions and feelings. But the way and the means that they use to obtain those emotions are evil according to God's principles. So again, there is nothing wrong with the feeling, but the feeling is expressed by evil actions, which is wrong.

Having said that, I also want to look at how to express our emotions in a godly way. Many people believe that to express your emotions outwardly is a sign of weakness. I disagree with that because of the way Jesus lived. Throughout the Gospels He showed a lot of emotions: He laughed and cried, was angry and sad, grieved and rejoiced. How would the gospel writers know He felt that way unless He expressed these feelings on the outside? And if Jesus was expressing his feelings and emotions why should we who are children of God, obstain from doing the same?

Now remember that some ways in which we express our emotions can be offensive to others. One example might be to laugh out loud while everyone around you is sleeping, thereby bringing them discomfort. The other extreme is raping a person, as I already have discussed above. So we should make sure that in whatever way we express our feelings, we should aways be considerate of others and put their needs above our own, as the Scripture teaches. That's how Jesus expressed His feelings as well.

There is one drawback to emotions though. We think that emotions are a perfect reference for our lives and sometimes we try to live according to them, pursuing only those that make us feel good and avoiding situations that bring out negative emotions. I believe that this is wrong because that is not how Jesus lived. If He would live like that, He would have never went onto the Cross because it as a horrible experience for Him. And if God throughout the history would act on His emotions and not on His Truth, the earth would be wiped out long ago already. You can read Exodus 32 and its context, There god became very angry for the Israelites turned away from Him and began to worship a golden idol. But in the end He acted upon His integrity and His principles, and not according to the way how He felt. So should we, as His holy children. :)

Now, sit back for a second and imagine how the life would be without ANY emotions whatsoever! I think it would be a total disaster!! When you look at a beautiful sunset, you are not amazed. When your first child is born, you are not happy. When you see someone begging for food, you are not moved by compassion to help them. When you say something evil and detrimental to someone, you have no feelings of regret about it so you will never feel like making it right with them. Life would become mere existence, comprised of sleep, eat and work..... how dull.

To conclude, be Christ-like! Experience your life and let your God-given emotions be your colors every day! Feel the life around you, not just through your senses but through your feelings as well. And yeah, if you think crying is not for adults, remember that Jesus was over 30 when He wept over Lazarus (in public!) and that if God would not want us to cry when we are old, he would remove our tears. So be human and not stone and laugh and cry whenever you have to! God bless!!! :)

The Nature of God

Genesis 1 says that humans were created in the image and likeness of God. For me it primarily means that everything that we are and that we have is also part of God's nature. It does not necessarily mean that God thinks and acts like us, since the Fall is not in His perfect nature. But, like His human children, God has emotions - anger, joy, grief - a mind, and a free will. If one can realize that, it will become a bit easier to understand who God really is.

Also 1 John says that God is Love. Here I would love to quote a line from an infamous book "The Shack" written by William P. Young:

"... if God did not have a love relationship within Himself, then He would not be capable of love at all. In other words, we would have a God Who, when He chose, could possibly act without love, and that would be a disaster. And that - surely - is not God!"

This quote was one of the few that got stuck in my head when I read the book the first time. And two weeks ago, when we had a discussion about the nature of God, this quote popped up in my head again. What it basically means is that Love has to be part of God's nature, otherwise He would be able to act without it sometimes.And we know that true love of 1 Corinthians 13 can only be between at least two people. So then God has to be a plural, more than one person, so that He can have Love within Himself - not loving Himself, but actually containing a loving and caring relationship within His very own nature of being - the Trinity nature. The perfection of such love is beautifully summarized in Deutoronomy 6, where God is called ONE (in Hebrew the word אחד (echad) is used, which stands for perfect unity). This is confirmed in John 10:30, where Yeshua declares that He and Father "are ONE". I still do not understand how exactly God can be one and same and yet co-exist within Himself as three distinct mutually loving entities, but the fact that love is at the core of this character of God certainly gives me peace of mind, because now I have an assurance that, no matter what God's decision is, it will be out of love for me. :)

Social vibes

The social life is amazing at YWAM! The people I met became more that just my good friends - they became my family and co-disciples in Jesus Christ with me! We love one another so much! We also know and understand one another because in the past we had a lot of things that we shared with one another, especially during the week of deliverance and personal counseling. They were there those many times when I came up to the front to confess and to liberate myself from the grudges of the past, and I am there for them. We are 16 members of one body - the Body of Christ - and let the Holy Spirit always bind us and keep us with His Love and Compassion.

Discipleship

This week we looked in-depth at how to be a disciple - no, a true follower of Christ. I am very glad about this teaching because this is the first time that someone really did such a deep study with me. And WOW look at the fruits!!!

Our speaker from the beginning announced that she will only be holding up the mirror of God's Word to us and we will have to see ourselves in it and through it. So in the beginning we really focused on how to remember the word of God and how to GET in ito our heads. Proverbs 4:23 says that out of our hearts flow the sources of life. So it is in the treasuries of our hearts where we have to store the Word of God!! Thats what I knew all the time, but never earnestly applied.

So how did I memorize the Scriptures? I used DRAMA!! WOW, that was really an eye-opener! Our teacher told us that her memory isn't very good, but that some of us have an excellent memory! But we are too lazy to use it! Immediately I felt convicted! So when she told us we can use ANY way to memorize the Scripture, I reverted to drama. I went outside and played out Isaiah 58 - and in 15 minutes I memorized 5 verses! It was amazing! I love moving around, pacing back and forth and gesturing whenever I talk to God. So this really helped and I would encourage everyone to find their own way of memorizing Bible in whatever method they prefer. It does not really matter how crazy it might look in the eyes of other people. Look at me for example. I sometimes did things that are really extraordinary in the eyes of many people in Potchefstroom. But my life as a child of god was really enriched because I did what I did. And where are all those who mocked me and laughed at me? Still at Potchefstroom!! And where am I today? So far away - their opinion matters even less to me now. So do not be afraid of people or what they might think about you - its just not worth it compared to what God has in store for us through His Son Jesus!!

Anyway, also this week we looked at how to get more personal with God. God loves each and every one of us, we are all special to Him and not one of us is a mistake or a genetic fault!! So He takes special effort to communicate with us - we need to respond! We need to connect to God, to stay in touch with Him. I had discovered that whenever I begin to pray and I wish to connect to God, my whole inner man "seems" to turn towards God , like towards a classmate who sits next to me, asking Him: "Well, and what do YOU think??" I think this is an amazing gift of God's grace and I encourage you to find your own way of connecting with God, i.e. entering His Holy Presence.

Whenever I would do that I would hear Him so much clearer! An amazing thing happened at a time like that! I was talking to God and got a picture of a white house in the fields. when I later spoke to our teacher, she said that when she spoke to God about me, she got exactly the same image!! This was truly a miraculous sign for both of us, just to show that God loves me so much!

We also spoke to God with our bodies. Since I love drama, I loved this way of expressing myself towards God. I chose to play out a little act of surrendering all my life and my dreams and failures, with pieces of grass and little rocks, barefoot and before a huge wooden cross! All that without interacting with other people or using my voice! The Spirit touched me and I felt a HUGE release! God is good!!! All the time!

But I think that the most amazing exercise was when we DID have to interact with each other!!! What we did is to pair up with one another and to compliment one another on the qualities each one saw the best in another person, while holding each other's hands. This was indescribable! 17 people complimented me - and most of them saw exactly the same thing or two! I did not even know that I had such good qualities in myself!! I often considered myself quite useless to my friends, trying my best to help them and to be there for them, and that day they acknowledged these qualities for the first time! Nobody has ever done that to me and I felt very very special, truly loved and appreciated by people. I will definitely do more to others because they all said it meant so much to them all! :)

This week challenged a lot of my world views and paradigms about God. I had to remove many people out of the boxes and to forgive many, especially my family and friends back in Potchefstroom. I love them all and I pray for them in hope that God will take them through the same expirience of joy and liberation that I am experiencing every day!

I love You Jesus! I love You so MUCH!! Oh my God, the love You give me is alive!! I don't know how can anyone love a dead statue or an idol or some other stuff when Your love is SO real, so alive and vibrant! Whenever I feel bad I can just turn to You with my whole being and You will comfort me and support me! Thank you for opening my eyes My God!! I know I work hard too by seeking you every day and surrendering my self and my desires and preferences every time you speak to me. i admit that I never know 100% when You talk to me - but i also know that You are building my faith and i deeply appreciate that! I love you, Holy Spirit!!