As most of you know, I am now on my way to YWAM Ukraine and I am planning to leave in 3-4 weeks. Since I am the only one who is organizing this whole trip - from South African side, of course, the last couple of weeks had been quite demanding on my emotions and I was feeling worse and worse every day. With many a negative remark about my calling to missions, I really have to admit I began to lose faith in myself and started to think that I was no longer on the right track. The times began stretching so long that I was wondering if anything was indeed happening, whether God was really working behind the scenes to bring me to the land of my ancestors? The fact that my family is not positive about my calling does not make things easier to overvcome. And finally, yeasterday I could not carry on any longer - I just gave up hoping. I went to bed with tears and told God that I am beginning to lose faith in all this mission stuff and that He really has to come and encourage me now becasue I am at my end. I am totally drained of motivation, energy and simply a desire to live - almost like Elijah running from Jezebel. So I challenged God, telling Him to speak to me HERE and NOW, reach out to me and rescue me before I end up in deep dung and make a mess out of my life. And once again, after an intense prayer fight, I began to feel peace and presence of God upon my soul and I began praising and worshipping Him, although my heart was still in shreds and pain. My last words to Jesus yesterday were to face the new day for me because I could not do it on my own.
Well, this morning I came to the office to work on my part-time job (that God provided to cover all my travel expences!), and I was browsing through my emails. I really did NOT expect to get THIS:
"The enemy has launched an attack against you, God's people, to bring fear that you've come this far and you have missed it somehow -- that what you have done or what you thought was really important, all the energy and strength you've put into where you are right now was all for nothing. He wants you to believe that you've wasted your time and it hasn't been worth anything. The devil is a liar! I believe God is saying: I see your every move and I know everything about you and you have not wasted one moment. You have not spilled one drop. Do not let the enemy bring condemnation and lies against you. Fear brings disability. And, the enemy wants to disable you from doing what you have been called to do."
As I was reading thewe words, the song "Thank You for Hearing Me" by David Crowder Band began playing - all at once!!
I believe words are not needed here. AMAZING! He loves me so much He chose to reach out to me through the Power of the Cross and to bring light into my darkness. How can anyone ever tell me to stop being with Jesus?? Who else is like Him, the Morning Star, the Neverending God!! I love You, my Jesus!! <3 And though it is hard, I will rise up and go on, just like you did when you stumbled under your cross...
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