Approval addicts

How does it feel when someone gives you an approval on what you are doing? Certainly, good! And if the person who approves your actions is someone close and important to you then, well, you might even end up in heaven!!!

We as human beings are designed by God himself to respond to approvals from other people. There is at least one person living on the face of the earth whose word of encouragement and affirmation would mean a lot to us, motivating us to do better, and simply making us feel amazing. It is a perfectly normal dependence that is meant to be practiced within a healthy God-fearing family. We approve one another and bless one another for the beautiful effort of co-existing and looking out for one another's needs and the positive words we are giving out to each other build us up as human beings, and bring us closer to God Who, in His Love for this creation, intended for us to be perfectly happy, while in union with Him. Imagine yourself praising your wife for doing such a good work at looking after the family, and at the same time hearing the grateful words from your kids for being such a great parent in Jesus! It's all Love of God in action!! :)

And, of course, as with all gifts that God gave us, the devil warped this one too, making it look evil and destructive.

When we grow up without a healthy dose of approval from our parents, we obtain an emptiness inside of us. Some space that can be filled by nothing no matter how hard we would try. Girls that never hear their daddies approve their beauty will always be chasing men, trying to get the magic words "You are beautiful" out of them, yet never being satisfied. Boys, whose mommies never accepted them as future males, approving their male character, will be chasing after girls trying to find the admiration and love that the mother should have provided, yet always being hungry. Those who never heard that their work is good and excellent will become workaholics and perfectionists, trying better than their best, laboring for other day and night, thriving on the approval of friends and colleagues. Children, whose parents never told them they are the best kids in the world, will have an empty heart for the rest of their lives, and might try to end their "pointless" existence through suicide.

The list can go on and on. Addictions, reputation, performance, peer pressure - all these have one thing in common - people's approval. It is for the approval and acceptance of other human beings that we do all these things, often harming ourselves and our relationship with God and others. The approval we receive satisfies the deepest need of every human being - to belong.

When God has created the first men, He placed them in the Garden of Eden, giving them a task of ruling over the earth. He also took trouble to live with them on the earth, visiting them in the cool of the day, checking out how they were doing. With the purpose for their existance, and with God perpetually coming to visit them, showing interest in their work and approving them through the presence of His love, Adam and eve had a perfect life filled with the sense of belonging. There was no lack of approval form God's side so they were never tempted to leave the Garden, searching for something better. There was nothing better!

Now an important question needs to be answered. Does God love me? Simple, yet profound. Does He or does He not? Let's look at the Scripture that mentions the Love of God. A good place is in Romans 5:8:

But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners.

Verse 8 is the most powerful to me out of this passage. Clearly, God loved us even before we were born, even before we knew Him and accepted Him as our Lord and Savior. Look at me for instance. Ten years ago I did not know God and was on my way to hell. Yet, this verse tells me that God loved me even back then. So then the things I did back then did not have any effect on His love for me. And from this it would follow that God loves me unconditionally.

Now even if God loves me unconditionally, does He give me unconditional approval for all that I do? Certainly not. There are many times in our lives when the Holy Spirit convicts us of some things we do in our lives. Two examples I can bring out of my own life. First it is quenching a prophecy I receive for someone just because i am too scared of what people might think about me if i am wrong. Secondly it is being stubborn and doing my own thing even if I know I would be going against God's will and authority of other people in my life. These two things God does not approve in my life and convicts me whenever I have them.

God expects us to walk perfectly in harmony with His Spirit, carefully listening to His Guidance in our hearts. It takes a lot of sacrifice (I speak of my own experience!) and many people do not want to listen to God becaue the price is their own lifestyle and things they have. But the only way to do things that God will approve of you is to follow the guidance of the Holy Spirit every day - whatever He tells you, do it and the joy and embrace of the Holy Spirit and God's Love will always rest upon you!

Will people around you ever be able to approve and encourage you in the way that God will? NO! People are people, fallible human beings, who never can act completely without selfish motives. And the emptiness in a selfish heart is somewhat reduced if it can be allowed to degrade and criticize someone else, feeling superior and better in the process. Who gets hurt? YOU!

So do not make your life's goal to attain approval from people, especially from those who do not mean much to you. You will be chasing wind and always be hungry. You think that if you will speak like them, dress like them, behave like them and do all the things that they do - then they will approve you? The chances are better to find a freezer in the Sahara desert! People who constantly exercise peer pressure on you will never approve you of being like them because then they would declare you equal to them. They, on the other hand, want to control you and feel superior over you, thereby fulfilling their need for being independent. And the only way they can control you is by fear of rejection, fear of cutting the little bit of approval they give you off. Stop it! Break free and move on!

Jesus is the perfect Friend. He always loves you, no matter what you do, and He is always ready to help you whenever you did something that he would disapprove. He does not degrade, manipulate, cheat or control anyone, but relates to everyone on a feeling of mutual trust. People that you think will approve of your action, will never give you the words of appreciation that you are longing for. But Jesus will! He is Love and He wants you to love Him back - right here and right now! And that Love is unconditional! :)