A leap of faith

I have been called to YWAM Worcester about a year and a half ago, in 2008. That was the time when I came to this mission base as a guest to visit one of my friends. Since then the Lord has strongly put in onto my heart to come to this base and to (at least) do an introductory course.

As with many of us who were called by God into full0time service to His cause, I had already established myself in a lifestyle where I had a job, a place to stay and all my basic needs were met. I really can't complain about anything from my past life - although there were challenges at times and I sometimes had to overcome mountains in my life, God was good to me and carried me through everything in victory. But now I entered a season where He wanted more from me for His own challenge - the problem of unreached souls.

When I first received a call from the Holy Spirit to go and serve Him in the ministry, I was 100% sure I was imagining things. Surely, I thought, God would not want me to give up all my life that I have built in His Name and with His help in the past! I stubbornly refused to listen and went on with my plans for the future. But the Holy Spirit kept pressing onto my heart, becoming more and more persistent, reminding me of many verses in the Scriptures that motivated others to become missionaries. Soon I had a big dilemma - I was now convinced that God would not let me go until He either had a "Yes" or a "No" from me. To say "Yes" would mean to leave the life as I knew it then behind me and to do something absolutely stupid and crazy from a logical, scientific point of view (which to me with my physics and maths background seemed a total folly). But to say "No" would perhaps be even worse, since I would not only refuse to embrace what seems to e the perfect plan for my life, but also turn down a major request of the One to whom I owe everything I am and have up until now. I was in a big fight, constantly praying, fasting and asking for guidance. The convictions for surrender became even stronger after God began sending me numerous dreams and visions about YWAM, as well as exposing me to people who either heard of YWAM, or were full-time missionaries there or at another place in God's Kingdom.

Finally, in December 2008 I had decided to accept the call and to take a leap of faith. At that stage I still had a year of academic work I had to complete, so that gave me a plenty of time to start preparing for my "exodus". Not that I was fully ready when that took place - but a little later about that...

Firstly, I began sharing my calling with my family and spiritual friends. Some were very positive and told me that their prayers are on my side; others, on the other hand, tried to convince me that I was wrong and that my calling was to continue working as a researcher, earning money and supporting other believers in various ministries. It felt like a temptation to remain in my comfort zone as a spectator of the Big Game, not participating in it, but only paying for the tickets to watch. Since i received a talent of a busy-bee, not being able to sit on one spot for more than an hour without a chat or a task, I prayerfully declined those suggestions. At such moments I also kept in mind the words of Paul in Phillipians 3, where he, too, like me, realized that gaining riches and knowledge is nothing compared to gaining Christ. Also verses like Matthew 16:25 and Mark 10:29 were constantly coming to mind, and I simply was not able to say that I believed the Bible but could not trust its Author and rely upon His faithfulness.

To move out of one's comfort zone is not easy at all - in fact, it is easier for a fully loaded camel to pass through Jerusalem's narrow gates!!! But as i read my Bible more and more, I was convinced that this is an opportunity of a lifetime like none other anywhere on the world - to serve the One Who created the world and upholds it is far beyond any honours or riches that I could have obtained from any earthly source. I am now thinking of two beautiful quotes.
- "If it is considered a highest honour to serve an earthly king, why is the service to the Heavenly King considered a sacrifice?"
- "I only have one candle of life and I would rather burn it in the land of darkness than in the land filled with light."

These are only a few of many verses, quotes and other words of encouragement i had received while the date of my departure drew near. So, as one can see, God was really interested in me taking this step of faith. Whenever my trust in him and in His provision would shake, he would always intercede, providing moral and spiritual support. Once I felt really bad about the whole idea of leaving my life to serve God and was doubting whether I heard correctly from Him. I went into prayer and fasting and God was faithful and gracious to give me a group of new friends that were involved in full-time ministry. Their appearance in my life was more than miraculous - one could call it a coincidence, of course, but the way how I got to know them would mean that I was pretty damn lucky, since things like that simply never happen! I met them by simply having a conversation about my faith with one of my friends. Later on she invited me to attend a Bible study group where my skills in Russian language proved invaluable to them, since they were busy preparing for an outreach to Russia. A few weeks later they invited me to listen to their testimony about the goodness of God and His support during their mission trip. There I met another group of people who were connected to YWAM and were very positive to help me and encourage me in my calling to surrender. I did not provide all the details of this amazing solution God provided to answer my doubt-filled prayers, but one thing that really stood out is that nothing from this story happened because I made any choices of my own - I was quite passive there and then and everything was just happening around me, unfolding in a most unexpected way!

Another time when I had a major discouragement was the day before I had to take my flight. I had a major negative thought about not being able to arrange finances for myself for 2010 mission, and that was the one major thing that kept holding me back. When I made a decision to become a missionary for Jesus in 2009, I began making various projects and plans about fund raising and financial provision for 2010, but they all ended up bringing me stress and disappointment instead of profit. I even tried sources like money investment and even gambling, but soon realized that it was not the way to go about God's business and repented. At the same time I began receiving verses about surrendering my own will and plans and giving way and freedom to God to do His working through my life. One of my spiritual friends received a calling to go to an outreach to Brazil and God provided all the necessary funds to her which was about 3 times as much as I was trying to raise. So i began receiving peace in my heart about financial provision. I believe that a major emotional drawback that I had on the day before my flight was an attempt from the devil to discourage me and to prevent me from moving into the destiny that God so carefully prepared for me. I was also fasting during that time and evidently the battle was intense. That morning I was very negative, and even on the brink of phoning YWAM and telling them that I would not be coming due to a lack of provision, thereby drawing a line through all the beautiful tapestry of God's care, provision and blessings that was woven in my life for the past year. Before I did that radical step, I went into intense intercession and was praying to God, pleading to Him for a word of encouragement or anything that would tell me I am still on the right track. About an hour later i went to check my emails and I received the following prophecy in my mailbox which I sincerely believe was directly from the Holy Spirit:
"I say arise, My children, for this is indeed your finest hour, and My blessings shall be poured out into your lives for you are living in My company; you are living under My outstretched wings; you are living in the time of achievement, the time of announcement, the time of overcoming. and the time of the defeat of the evil one. For indeed these things are written and they shall come to pass even as My word has declared."
I was grateful beyond words fro this encouragement from heavens that came just at the time when I needed it the most! That was the last attempt of the enemy to discourage me and the next day when I had to take my plane, I had total peace in my heart - truly heavenly "shalom"!

And so my life as a missionary and a full-time servant of my Master Jesus Christ Yeshua begins! Every day it feels like I am walking on water, even on thin air sometimes! But the spiritual growth I am experiencing every day is beyond any human description and is indeed worth any sacrifice of earthly possessions! I am looking forward to serving my Creator today and everyday, since all that I have is anyway a gift from Him and would anyway have to be returned back. And when I will meet Him one day, I know that He will be happy! :)